Big brother
by brand-new-freak
Summary: hehehe! legal stuff 1st, i dont own big bro...but i do own the characters! hehehe! this will probably only interest the ppl in it but r+r anyway cos you all love me soooo much
1. Default Chapter

Its day 1 in the big brother house. 12 brand new contestants who have never met each other are going to be kept in the house for a grand total of 14 weeks.  
  
Ok, lets see the profiles of these brave (or stupid) contestants.  
  
For the girls we have:  
  
Emma.  
  
Sarah  
  
Jenny  
  
Hayley  
  
1 Jammie  
  
Lauren  
  
And for the boys:  
  
Paul,  
  
Sean,  
  
Graham  
  
Mark  
  
Robert  
  
woody  
  
  
  
Day 1  
  
The first person to enter the big brother house is Graham. Graham is a self-confessed computer freak. In truth no one in the big brother judging panel wanted graham to be in the group, but as an experienced hacker he dug up embarrassing gossip on all of us. Damn him. What would you do!  
  
Sean next. Sean is openly gay. Nothing more to say. He is boring.  
  
Paul. He confused us. He is a womanising farmer from Scotland, yet he seemed all to willing to sleep without with the male section of the board of directors. Hmmm. We threw him in for a laugh anyway.  
  
Mark is the next contestant to enter the house. For his luxury item he brought a dagger. We couldn't be bothered to tell him it's against the rules because he had this mad pyschotic look in his eye…  
  
Woody. A sarcastic nymphomaniac. All that needs saying!  
  
Robert aka Massam, he brings the guitar into the house. No one else who applied had a flammin guitar!! He is really very very sad! But anyway, on with the show.  
  
Sarah. We realised we needed someone to keep the sanity in the house, and townie Sarah was just that. Hailing from liverpool all she brought with her was tracksuits and shell suits. Lovely.  
  
In total contrast we added Jammie aswell. Who could leave her out after she told us she was a satanist and threatened to sell our souls. Eek.  
  
Emma. The non-gay female version of Brian. Hilariously funny and wonderous…yes she paid me to say all that.  
  
Jenny is next. Proclaimed by the big brother pyschiatrist the most likely to go mad. Should be fun….  
  
Lauren is the houses lesbian,  
  
Of course we needed someone who would bring more music to the house. Hayley promises to bring us just that, along with a fiery hatred for massam, who she used to know.  
  
  
  
Tension is already rising in the house.  
  
Paul is already trying his moves on Sarah but eyeing Woody up in the corner of his eye.  
  
Emma is making a cake, 5 minutes into the game, as Jenny complained that she was hungry. Mark is eyeing up the knife they are using with that deadly glint in his eye again.  
  
Massam is singing Bridge over troubled water with his guitar, before Mark threatens him.  
  
"LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER! I WILL LAY ME DOWN!"  
  
"Shut it you little p***k! Or this knife will get closely aquainted with your head!" (Big brother apologises for any string language used)  
  
Massam whimpers and runs into the garden shed to cry. Mark laughs.  
  
Hayley is already in the pool along with Paul, who is now trying (and failing) to chat HER up.  
  
"My love for you is like diarreha, I just can't hold it in."  
  
Suprisingly Hayley just giggles. Hmmm, I think we made a bad decision here. Is it to late to change the housemates? Damn.  
  
Woody is testing the bed-springs in both bedrooms.  
  
No one is talking to Sean as he has already spilt the weeks supply of sugar and milk. Damn him.  
  
Jenny is happy. She has a cake! Hehehe!  
  
Jammie is in the garden, and happily telling the chickens that the Devil loves them. They seem to believe her.  
  
Graham has found already tried to hotwire the Big brother microphones in the Diary room, so that the housemates will be able to hear each nomination.  
  
"Will Graham please come to the diary room."  
  
"hello big brother."  
  
"hello graham"  
  
Long silence  
  
"would you please explain why you tried to hotwire the system?"  
  
"erm…well…it seemed like a funny..erm…idea at the..erm..time"  
  
"big brother would like to remind you that any tampering with the big brother system is against the rules. You should be evicted."  
  
"I'm really sorry big brother. (a look that is definetely not sorry) but while I'm here can I ask for more sugar and milk, some prat has spilt it already."  
  
"Big brother will get back to you"  
  
In the lounge area Sean is crying on Woodys shoulders.  
  
"It's…it's..not like…I (sniff)…meant to do it!(blows nose) but..it…it..was..an accident. (snuck) Do…you..think…it.will be o..o..ok?"  
  
"sure it will" says Woody stroking Seans hair. Sean seems happy from this action.  
  
Emma reveals to the group that she was a stripper. All the girls turn their backs to her, (apart from jenny because Emma made a nice cake!), but all the boys suddenly want to be her best friend. 


	2. Big bro day 2

Day 2 in the big brother house.  
  
All the housemates went to bed at 3 o'clock in the morning, apart from Massam who fell asleep at 9 o'clock. It is becoming quite clear that he is a bit different to the rest of the group. He awoke at 9 am this morning to find that Coop (mark) was attempting to set fire to his guitar with a lighter. After bursting into floods of tears Massam ran and told Sarah, who is developing the reputation as the law enforcer in the house. The row that followed awoke everyone in the house. Jammie insisted that Sarah is evil in a bad way.  
  
"You can't stop Coop doing it! Its just his little way!" coop smiled nicely at the evil jammie lady.  
  
"But it wasn't his guitar!! Plus he could have hurt us all!"  
  
"Your point being? Anyway Coop exchanged his tea last night for that guitar! So it is his!! He can do what he wants to it!" Jammie yelled, with black glittery make-up smudged all over her face!  
  
Latin quotes were then used whilst jammie ran off to talk to the chickens.  
  
Everyone else was left to deal with Mark who was very mad at them all for being mad at him. Sarah returns to her room later on in the day to find that Jammie has customised all her shellsuits (rather badly) with sequins, lace and flowers and lots and lots of rainbow glitter. Jammie insists she was doing the housemates a favour.  
  
12:30 pm. Jenny sits happily in the corner blowing bubbles, whilst Graham talks about hacking.  
  
"Would Jenny please come to the Diary room"  
  
Jenny looks nearly in tears as she goes in. "What did I do?"  
  
"Good afternoon Jenny"  
  
"Good afternoon big brother."  
  
"How are you today Jenny?"  
  
"Fine thank you. Where is your voice coming from? Are you in the room?"  
  
"No I am not Jenny"  
  
"How come you're a brother, yet you have a female voice? Eek! Are you a gremlin?"  
  
"Big brother is not a Gremlin Jenny."  
  
"You must be!!! ARGHHH!!! GREMLINS!!! Noooooooo!" and thus runs out of the room.  
  
"Would jenny please return to the diary room?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
It is revealed that as jenny was suffering a minor mental breakdown, Graham had smashed one of the one way windows and stolen the camera. He was in the middle of re-wiring it to show non-stop Spanish soap operas. He nearly had it. It was on Portuguese.  
  
10:00pm  
  
Hayley and Sean are having a heart to heart. Hayley reveals that she is developing feelings for Paul. Sean says he also feels the same about him.  
  
Jammie interrupts the heart to heart by running into the lounge area chasing Lauren with a chicken, which she then proceeds to sacrifice. The rest of the housemates are disgusted, Massam faints, but Emma thinks they should cook it and eat it for supper. Jammie says it is being possessed by the devil and cannot be eaten. They all chase Jammie until she agrees to throw the chicken into he oven. Paul is already drunk, as is Hayley, who cannot stand up, and Emma who believes she can fly.  
  
Woody and Emma are discussing how Big brother will affect their careers. Emma thinks she could double how much she normally charges, this cheers her up immensely. Woody then starts to it on Emma, until he realises she normally charges for that. Big brother plays the housemates music for a change. But unfortunately its Westlife. Jenny runs screaming around the house till the sing ends, banging her head against the wall and yelling "EVIL GREMLINS" we aren't sure if she means Big brother or Westlife. To make up for the Westlife trick Big Brother plays Come ON Eileen. Which results in the housemates dancing in a drunken circle in the pool.  
  
Day 3  
  
All housemates are awake. Emma woke up in Woody's bed. (I'm not saying anything but Woody was happy for the rest of the day). It seems Lauren has been rather quiet on us recently. She revealed to the housemates last night, whilst drunk, about her sexuality. They all said it was obvious.  
  
Jammie spent the majority of the day rocking back and forth in the corner complaining that no one in the house appreciates her. Apart form the chickens.  
  
Massam fell asleep on the sofa. Tired after the previous nights events. Whilst drunk Emma danced for him, he also attempted to join in, after being ridiculed by the rest of the group for his pathetic attempts at dancing, he hid in the garden shed again, only to find Coop hiding there, clutching a gardening fork.  
  
Something must have happened in the garden shed, as Coop tried to set Massam on fire, luckily (or is that unfortunately) he only set the sofa on fire. This led to Massam, running around with his arse on fire, and then leaping over the walls. In an exclusive interview we find that dancing with Emma nearly pushed him over the edge. He is now becoming a priest and taken a vow of celibacy.  
  
The housemates will soon find out who will replace the loser..Ahem..sorry..housemate. Mark kept his (scorched) guitar.  
  
Paul is fast becoming the flirt of the household. After flirting with Sarah and Hayley on Day 1, he has also flirted with Lauren who told him she was gay but would give him a call if she changed, Jenny, who blew bubbles in his face, and Jammie who said she would set Satan on him if he tried anything. Satan is the black chicken, which Jammie insists is the chicken form of Lucifer, as it attacked the other chickens.  
  
Sarah spent the day trying to peel glitter of her gold tracksuit whilst Jammie laughed.  
  
Jenny decided the house needed more music, and proceeded to ask Coop how to play the guitar. He agreed to teach her, but her sleeve caught fire numerous times during her lesson.  
  
Emma has also spent the day rocking back and forth in a corner. It turns out she has a serious addiction to Mint Munchies. The big brother doctor says if she doesn't get an urgent supply soon tempers will fray, and injuries may occur to the others.  
  
9pm  
  
Big brother sets a debate about relationships for the group.  
  
Lauren again informs the group that she is a lesbian. Both Sean and Paul keep very quiet. Jammie tells the group about her long-term relationship with the devil, everyone edges away to the other sofas. Woody starts to say that he is a Nymphomaniac before he is cut off by the fact that Coop is trying to hug Emma inconspicuously, and failing, attracting the attention of the entire group, who then try to pretend they haven't noticed. Emma however hits him in the ribs and goes and sits next to Lauren, who tells her she is a lesbian, and did she know that? The discussion ends with the group discussing nominations, a lot of eyes are cast in Coopers direction, who is currently interested in a big knife in the kitchen. 


End file.
